The Freewheelin' Chris O.

Happy Hollandaise ev'ryone, ev'rywhere!

2010-12-24T13:46:00.001-05:00

The Nighttime Rider, 1

2010-12-13T03:44:00.003-05:00

Egghead

2010-12-12T23:44:00.001-05:00

A Sabres Rant, in Miniature

2010-10-29T23:54:00.036-04:00

The Sabres' playoff chances are fading as quickly as the colors on this old ass patch.

Thrashers 4, Sabres 3 OT

The Buffalo Sabres did a terrific job in overtime of making Atlanta defenseman (one of Chicago's 2009-10 Stanley Cup Playoff heroes) Dustin Byfuglien look like Mario F*cking Lemieux on his end to end GWG. Seriously, the Sabres are like a shitty reverse-Jesus, because transforming a relatively marginal player like Byfuglien into a skater suddenly capable of going end to end in breathtaking fashion, in OT no less, is every bit an impressively miraculous metamorphosis as that whole "water to wine" gag. He skated around or past every Sabre on the ice and then beat Ryan Miller like an old rug. See it now:

At least Sabres Managing Partner Larry Quinn has some nice new shirts to sell, because he sure as hell isn't selling me or anyone else on the idea that this team is a legitimate Cup contender, let alone average. The lack of guts, focus, and leadership on this roster is utterly astounding. Yes, they have talent, but this team was seriously lacking in the toughness department last year and it's only snowballed into a full blown catastrophe since they ignored remedying it in the offseason. Sure, Tim Connolly had an excellent game, and Derek Roy came through with a clutch goal to force OT--- but Roy also loves to give the rubber away like a college campus sex-ed instructor, before casually skating over to the refs to preen like the supposedly untouchable diva that he is, at the worst possible moments. And Tiny Tim has the velveteen touch of a dandy fop; he is quite simply the biggest p*ssy to lace up the skates since Brian "SuperStar" Bellows.

Alright, there are a million big things and at least a billion tiny things wrong with this team, but the main problem lies at the feet of management. The big end of season press conference following the unceremonious 1st round exit at the hands of the Boston Bruins where Lindy, Darcy, and Larry (seriously, WTF is Quinn doing positioning himself in between the Head Coach and the General Manager at a presser answering hockey questions? Shouldn't he be in his office f*cking up the waterfront?) got all weepy about bringing a Cup to Buffalo was an absolutely insulting pile of bullshit. Changes were promised, and what did they do? They let Tallinder and Lydman walk (not exactly terrible) and replaced them with the inferior Jordan Leopold (who I don't exactly mind) and the tough and steady Shaone Morrisonn (who is exactly OK). Morrisonn has struggled a bit, but he'd certainly look better if he were back playing with Mike Green rather than Mike Wilson--- and by Mike Wilson I mean Tyler Myers.

Suddenly, Calder Trophy winner Tyler Myers is playing like this asshole.

The only other moves were to f*ck over the suddenly petulant scrub that everyone in South Buffalo loves, Tim Kennedy (yeah I get it, he skates hard, but he's not exactly Patrick Kane, people!) and replaced him on the roster with the lesser of two Niedermyers: Centreman Rob. I don't hate Leopold, Morrisonn, or Niedermyer and I also don't hate the loss of Tallinder/Lydman--- but those relatively insignificant additions and subtractions are not the kick in the nuts this roster sorely needed after the "Ryan Miller is playing out of his mind" fueled hockey world love fest that was the 2009-10 Northeastern Division Championship season. The fact that the best summary I can conjure about these moves is "meh" says a lot about how awful this team has been. Perhaps it also says a lot about my lack of descriptive powers in this agitated state... but getting back to "the bad."

The Bad:

-Tyler Myers has regressed, in a major way, and it wasn't so troubling at first, but now it's getting a little uncomfortable. I keep expecting him to break out of his funk, but then he just gets worse. Steve Montador has been their best D-man, until his nightly "what the f**k is he thinking?!??" giveaway.

-It's about time to give up on Drew Stafford, he simply doesn't have the fire to play the game, and any moron can see that. He has excellent "one on one" hockey skills but he doesn't have the instincts to be a complete player. He's like the guy that goes into a trance when he starts dribbling a soccer ball all by himself. It's amazing to watch but the mood has to strike him at the perfect time for him to "get into it". I get the sense that he'd prefer to be home playing RockBand.

-I also think that after 8 years the organization can finally admit that they f*cked up the Michael Peca situation--- in other words, let's cut ties with Tim Connolly. There was a brief moment during the 2005-06 Playoffs where his game suddenly elevated to Dominating Big Game Performer--- it was the moment right before Ottawa's Peter Shaefer lowered his shoulder into Connolly's solar plexus and knocked him into next season. He shows flashes from time to time, but on a team with no true #1 centre the Sabres simply cannot afford to continue carrying dead weight like the ever fragile (not only physically, but also emotionally & mentally) #19.

"I go to my fathers, in whose mighty company I shall not now feel ashamed."

-Derek Roy is what he is--- an immensely talented two way forward with a knack for penalty killing and scoring and setting up goals--- when he feels like it. He too often gives up on plays in order to flap his gums at the refs. Apparently, the combination of his talents and reasonable contract have made him attractive to GMs around the league, but he's still my least favorite Sabre, ever.

Members of the Sabres' training staff helping massage out Derek Roy's groin pull.

-Jason Pominville has been invisible since the 1st Chicago game! But seriously, when is this guy going to put the puck in the net on a more consistent basis? I'm speaking about the past few years rather than this season: He has a severely underrated defensive game, but once upon a time, he appeared poised to score 30-35 goals, annually. Possibly the lack of a regular setup man in the pivot has lowered his production.

-Speaking of lacking a regular setup man in the pivot--- if Thomas Vanek regularly skated on a line with a real centre, no one would be ruffled about his ridiculous Kevin Lowe penned contract. He definitely gets caught in his own head sometimes, but a legitimate centre would help Vanny loosen his grip on the stick.

-Dear Paul Gaustad, you are not Cam Neely. F*cking hit someone everytime you're on the ice and win most of your draws, then film your 43 commercials per week and STFU. Go Green!

Vanek & Gaustad: Much more "butch" off the ice than on.

-Pat Kaleta has been marginalized to the point of no longer being effective as even an annoyance to opposing team's skaters. Maybe it's the concussions. Helpful hint to Lindy: I think it's safe to say that a guy that makes his hay hitting people will have diminished value when he's afraid to exacerbate his rather prominent concussion problems.

-Broken down "Captain" Craig Rivet: Uhhh, next bullet point...

-ShadowBoss Larry Quinn haunts my darkest nightmares and continues to be the bane of my existence as a Sabres fan.

Larry Quinn, shortly after confiscating both the hopes of Sabres' fans and also the TriForce.

The Average:

-Cody McCormick & "rookie" Tyler Ennis have been above average, but when they're your shining examples, the season has gone seriously awry. I suspect they'd make a much bigger impact if their teammates didn't, you know... suck. Luke Adam is a pleasant surprise and I'd like to see him given a shot as a regular in the top 6 sooner rather than later. Miller has had some off nights, but with the D consistently crumbling on the back check and in odd man rushes, it's hard to blame him.

-With Mike Grier the effort is there, but he's just not finishing, not that his stone hands have ever been very potent in the offensive zone. I'm pretty sure the only reason he did an about face and decided that the Sabres organization was truly headed in the right direction is because no other team was interested in his services. Again, he can be an effective player with the right supporting cast.

The Good:

-The uniforms are super nice!

Tim Connolly displaying the "new" uniforms & his unique style of physical play.

Unicorns we have; it's Horses that we need

2010-09-12T20:23:00.028-04:00

Miami Dolphins 15
Buffalo Bills 10

Bills QB Trent Edwards about to get a giant hug from Miami's Karlos Dansby

The Offensive Tackles or the Quarterback?

So, apparently, the Buffalo Bills do not have NFL caliber offensive tackles on their roster. Raise your hand if you were aware of this prior to today's game: OK, it looks like everyone, including Buddy Nix, just raised their hand. That's right, Bills' GM Buddy Nix was well aware of the paucity of bookend blockers on the depth chart before the draft... at least if you are to take his own words at face value.

Buddy Nix from a recent Buffalo News article:

"We felt like we needed to upgrade our offensive line," Nix said of the assessment after he was hired. "We started out looking for that. That was our main emphasis going into the draft. But by the time we got through doing our work, there was one or two guys we felt really strongly about coming in and helping us. And neither one of them were there."
Offensive tackles Russell Okung and Trent Williams were taken in the first six picks.
"So do we take a guy that everybody thinks we ought to take, a tackle, no matter whether he can play or not?" Nix said. "You can't let that bother you."

Although I completely agree with the "Best Player Available" logic behind the CJ Spiller pick I have to wonder why the team did not make a significant move following the draft to upgrade the OT position, either via trade or free agency? Clearly, they did not feel entirely comfortable again entrusting the left tackle spot to Demetrius Bell, regardless of the near mythic tremendous athletic potential heaped on him by 2 separate coaching staffs. There were several high quality LTs made available in the trade market: Baltimore's (currently injured) Jared Gaither, New Orleans Jamaal Brown (since traded to Washington and starting for them at RT), and San Diego's Pro Bowl holdout Marcus McNeil (and there is tenuous speculation that Nix had at least talked to Ozzie Newsome regarding Gaither) as well as more than a few aging options in free agency such as Levi Jones and Flozell Adams that could have served as stopgaps.

Is the talented but unproven Demetrius Bell the answer at LT? GOD I HOPE SO!

If the team's brain trust was not comfortable prior to the draft then there is every reason to believe they should not have been comfortable heading into the regular season with essentially the same group. Sure, maybe Demetrius Bell is the 2nd coming of the pre-holdout Jason Peters, but right now he's still recovering from a serious injury and does not yet seem capable of either performing at the high level required of him or even, at times, simply communicating with his linemates. It's also vaguely possible Ed Wang and his Olympic genetics could one day catapult him into a genuine international superstar status, even; but this is all wishful thinking for the long term, not a foundation upon which to rest your season heading into Week 1. We need horses not unicorns.

Well, as The Buffalo News article stated, "Nix is a football man with a plan." It's likely the right deal (or the right player fit) was simply not there. If the Bills are serious about building for the future then it's understandable, to a degree, that they stood pat. After all, trading away draft picks at the expense of mortgaging the future has led to several disastrous front office moves over the course of the '00s (Drew Bledsoe, or trading up for JP Losman, John McCargo, and yes probably even the oft injured Paul Posluzsny), not to mention the distressing habit of allowing so much established talent to depart as free agents or in trades for virtually nothing (Pat Williams, Antoine Winfield, Nate Clements, Jonas Jennings, Jabari Greer, Travis Henry, Willis McGahee, Peerless Price, Eric Moulds) only to then waste further draft picks on their replacements. That's not to say players such as McGahee or Clements or Jennings should (or even could) have been retained, but the franchise has played a perpetual game of musical chairs with it's roster causing endless stagnation with it's talent and restlessness with the fan base. The decision to acquire players should not come at the expense at the construction of the team, both physically and philosophically.

Of course, the offensive line is just the tip of the iceberg. Yes, everything begins with the trenches, but NFL quarterbacks are still required to step up into the ferocious onslaught of 275 lb. blitzing linebackers and attempt to make a play. As evidenced by Miami Defensive Coordinator Mike Nolan's game plan earlier today there is no proof that Trent Edwards is capable of doing that. So, why not stack the box, plug up the running lanes, and dare Captain Checkdown to beat them with his arm? It's worked for many teams in the past. The offensive line may be in bad shape but those issues are exacerbated by the common knowledge of Edwards' lack of willingness to deliver the ball downfield in the face of a legitimate pass rush. By completely disregarding it teams can disrupt the backfield with reckless abandon.

An excited Koa Misi after asking Trent to drop & give him 30 pushups.

And, I say willingness--- not ability--- because given time in the pocket Trent Edwards has, in my estimation, demonstrated that he is indeed an accurate passer with a quick release and strong enough arm to make all the throws. He's smart, too, which are all reasons he looks so good in practice. In what seems like a lifetime ago, the preseason Edwards looked like a world beater, at least in games 2-4. That may be attributed to a combination of actual professional playcalling by Chan Gailey (something the Bills have not had since... well, I don't know, the K-Gun combo of Ted Marchibroda/Jim Kelly?), and the lack of any real kind of gameplanning by opposing defenses.

So, whatever. Practice and preseason don't matter one lick when it doesn't bleed over into the regular season where things are much faster and much more intense. If Trent makes just 1 or 2 plays to back off the defense then the pass rush will slow down. Suddenly, the OTs don't look as bad. CJ Spiller will have room to operate and enough time to get into the flow of the game. The abundantly talented backfield trio of Spiller, Fred Jackson and "BeastMode" Lynch will flourish and open up passing lanes to hit targets like Lee Evans streaking toward the endzone, Roscoe Parrish cutting through the middle out of the slot, and perhaps even Shawn Nelson down the seam once he gets out of detention.

In other words, the offensive tackles kind of suck. But they may perform adequately enough with a quarterback willing and able to sling it under duress. It's believable that the current crop of young offensive tackles could develop into very good players--- we've seen it happen relatively recently right here with this franchise and the previously referenced Jason Peters--- but I'm sure #5 is anything more than damaged goods at this point. Was it possible at one time that Trent Edwards could have grown into the quarterback Bill Walsh believed him to be? Sure, he looked as though he was well stocked with the necessary tangibles AND intangibles. Is it likely that his football psyche was severely hurt after too many years of rudderless offensive coaching and a constant barrage of blindsided concussive hits in his formative years during the Jauron era? Without a doubt. Can these serious missteps be corrected under Gailey's tutelage? Meh...

1st year Bills head coach Chan Gailey, just as he realized what he's gotten himself into.

After years of Rob Johnson and JP Losman (and arguably Drew Bledsoe) I no longer have the confidence that any reclamation project is worth taking on at the most crucial position on the field. Honestly, the one roster spot on any football team that absolutely must be filled by a player with confidence and guts is the starting quarterback. If you could infuse Ryan Fitzpatrick's guts, toughness, and cocksure attitude with Edwards' accuracy, well, then, you might have something. As it is, I'm already wondering how Brian Brohm would look with the first string. 2010 is beginning to sound a lot like 2009.

Pick your poison, Bills fans! I'm guessing we'll see Fitzpatrick sooner than later.

OMG MY OLD TRAPPER KEEPER

2010-02-11T18:33:00.004-05:00

This was TOTALLY the Trapper Keeper I had... at some point. I want to say 5th grade, circa 1988-9.

This makes my bones hurt. Somewhere, 20+ year old social studies homework is falling loose from its 3 (2 functional) rings. I miss it SO MUCH.

Image taken from HERE.

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2010-01-12T22:55:00.003-05:00

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Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T22:00:00.000-05:00

Hamster Wars!

2009-03-09T02:50:00.000-04:00

Starting in elementary school and through most of junior high I devised a series of wars arising from disputes between rival groups of hamsters which I depicted in cartoon form. The good hamsters had a "G" on their torsos and the bad guys... a "B". I never tired of them, even if I couldn't decide what it was exactly that made the good guys "good" and the bad guys "bad". I conspired no agenda for either side. The "good" hamsters simply declared the others as "bad" and then they fought a brutal and neverending capital "W" War. It was amazingly prescient considering our current action in Iraq--- and for this I suppose a doctrine of unjustified preemptive war is actually an agenda, after all. Wow, deep.

I will ease your mind

2008-12-06T04:04:00.015-05:00

These were some character sketches for some characters in a story that never really went anywhere, apparently.

About science teachers.

Harvey Chiltwater

2008-12-04T01:10:00.004-05:00

I used to do comics of this rich snobby character named Harvey Chiltwater when I was in junior high. It was always two panels: the first panel was a flashback where he was a snooty bully as a kid (like lording 5 Willie Mays' rookie cards over his friends), and the second panel was an almost identical (but now highly inappropriate) scenario in his adult life (like lording 5 Bentleys or whatever). I'm sure it was highly imaginative and original and the world is a lesser place for not having it available in a more broad format. For some reason I revisited HC and this is the result.

Some kind of Superman or whatever

2008-12-04T01:02:00.002-05:00

He looks angry and more than a little gorillaish and stuff. It looks like he has a tumor on his lower right jaw. In other words, a cruddy job all around. This is what happens when you use a retractable Sharpie on the reverse side of an Inventory Requisition Card during work.

Karate Guy

2008-12-04T00:09:00.003-05:00

With a leaky Bic, which sounds vaguely dirty though it is not at all.

Oscar the Dog

2008-12-03T22:58:00.001-05:00

In real life he's black and white and cute all over.

Some dudes that work for me.

2008-12-03T22:38:00.002-05:00

This guy is totally dumb and not even worth the dirty residue stuck to the bottom of his shoes. I fired him but he re-emerged on a different shift when the need arose for a totally dumb guy.

This guy's alright but he's afraid of his own shadow and also the whims of his wife, and not in that particular order.

This guy's name is "Guy".

And he literally lives in a church basement, which is admirable in some kind of way I'm sure.

super rad.

2008-12-03T22:10:00.003-05:00

This is an advertisement for neither the Rainbow Coalition nor a gay/lesbian group, not that there's anything wrong with that. I was obsessed for years with the phrase "super rad" and I was utterly devastated to find that superrad.com/ was already obsconded with. It's just parked by some douche in europe and it's for sale for like $6,000 as if anyone would waste that much money for nothing. It took me awhile to realize it wasn't that great of a phrase anyhow. In fact, it took exactly as long as it took me to reaize it would cost me $6,000.

Big Boffo

2008-12-03T22:09:00.005-05:00

The frontpage for a website I never finished.

This is what I looked like in 2004. I look the same now only I always have glasses and occasionally a beard and there's almost never space invaders descending ominously in an even spaced pattern behind me. Usually.

The Blue Phoenix

2008-12-03T22:06:00.004-05:00

A superhero called The Blue Phoenix.