ON FILM: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes. I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again.

This one time, I was riding my bike through the woods back in the day. I couldn't have been more than 10 years old. Anyway, it was a pretty tricked out ride: hot pink Piranha with foot pegs and discs covering the spokes. We used to do tricks all the time in the parking lot behind the school but we never had a ramp. But like I said, we were riding through the woods on these trails, and I kept gaining speed even though I knew this tight curve was up ahead, right? Like I couldn't stop in time or whatever, right? And sure as fuck, I rode right off the edge and into the little ravine below. It wasn't more than like 5 feet but it may as well have been 3 stories the way it felt. My buddies thought I was a goner and shit, but nope. I was alright. I was juuuuust fine. Who Framed Roger Rabbit is rated PG and directed by Robert Zemeckis with a running time of 103 minutes. Distributed by Buena Vista. 4/5 stars

ON FILM: Night Moves (1975)

Gene Hackman always looks like he's about to smack the shit of someone.

I've never read The Wake of the Perdido Star. It's like a lot of things, I guess. There just isn't enough time in the world to do everything we'd like to do. Unfortunately, what that entails, essentially, is consuming different forms of media. Is that all life is anymore, the full extent of our species' ambition? Self medicating ourselves with a steady stream of images and sounds, flashes of light and the occasional printed word which we've pretentiously and callously convinced ourselves is a valid appreciation of art and beauty? Is that the noblest endeavor we can conjure? One day, every one of us will be worm food. What the fuck do you have to say to that? Night Moves is rated R and directed by Arthur Penn with a running time of 100 minutes. Distributed by Warner Brothers. 4.5/5 stars

ON FILM: American Sniper (2015)

Honestly, I haven't actually seen this yet. I sincerely doubt I will, FWIW.

I had two bagels (one multi-grain and one honey wheat) with Tofutti cream cheese for breakfast this morning, and --- so far --- 3 cups of Starbucks brand Sumatra K-Cup coffee. The first cup tasted oddly weak, so I didn't quite finish it and I quickly set about producing a second cup. I was immediately thrilled to find the second cup brewed to full flavor. To small victories! American Sniper is rated R and directed by Clint Eastwood with a running time of 133 minutes. Distributed by Warner Brothers. 3.5/5 stars

ON FILM: Inherent Vice (2014)

What if Max California wasn't murdered but later travelled to 1970?

I bought Thomas Pynchon's seminal novel Gravity's Rainbow several years ago. I had wanted to read it for the longest time, but was kinda/sorta intimidated by the very thought of reading and re-reading passages too impenetrable for my pretentious albeit underfed brain. Anyway, last year I tried to buy it again on Amazon because I actually forgot I'd already done so--- but the page did that thing where it gave me a link to my previous order history. Thank goodness I was logged in to my Amazon account or I'd have two unread copies on my shelf. Inherent Vice is rated R and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson with a running time of 148 minutes. Distributed by Warner Brothers. 6/5 stars

Rico Baumgartner/Death Panel

Happy Hollandaise ev'ryone, ev'rywhere!

The Nighttime Rider, 1